How do Orthodox Christians preach the Gospel?

I just had to share this. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. This was recently posted on an Orthodox internet forum, in response to the question “How do Orthodox Christians preach the gospel?”

One technique is to invite someone to Church by quoting a scripture verse. Being strange and clumsy, and using esoteric language, are bonuses. For example:

Orthodox Christian: “Hey Uncle Jim, would you like to come to Vespers with me this Saturday?”

Uncle Jim: “Um … Why?”

Orthodox Christian: “Come, taste and see.”

Uncle Jim: “What?”

Orthodox Christian: “In this land of wells bereft of that water which can quench our spiritual thirst, I want you to know that there’s a place where you can drink and vivify your flagging soul!”

Uncle Jim: “Look Ted …”

Orthodox Christian: “Barsanuphius.”

Uncle Jim: “Ok. Look Barsa- Barsanoo- I just don’t think … I have stuff to do or something.”

Orthodox Christian: “I understand. It was my obligation to offer you a chance to get on the narrow path. I will put you on my list of non-Orthodox to pray for.”

Uncle Jim: “Thanks. I guess.”


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